I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
