k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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