he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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