I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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