You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
