Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
