How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
