I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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