When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
