There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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