I need to stop coming to work sober
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
