you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
