Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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