If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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