guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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