So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
