She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
did i just pee glitter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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