As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
