girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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