we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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