Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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