Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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