i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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