i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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