clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
