the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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