I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
