My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
