isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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