you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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