I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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