Your face is a jimmy john
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
