god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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