I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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