But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
