Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I looked at my own cervix.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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