Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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