people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
