I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
