youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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