I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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