In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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