I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
