Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
