I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
