We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
