Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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