And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
