Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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