It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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