we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
