My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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