I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
