Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
