I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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