She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You can't just leave with hair like that
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
