We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
there is glitter all over my balls
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
