Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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