my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
