This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
