Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
