Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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