Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
