So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
