my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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